- Age / Gender:
- 23, Male
- minneapolis MN
- All Stats >
sometimes their is a sunset, and that is made of cottage cheese. I'm quite mad you know. Not the "check out my mad skills" mad. I'm the "I wonder if we could genetically engineer a creature with nipples for eyes' kind of mad"
- Community Stats
Level 13 Blank Slate
Ranked as Civilian
Contact Info / Websites
NEVER-FAIL PICK UP LINES FOR MEN
3. "You look like a submarine... a yellow submarine!"
2. "I'm quite tall."
1. I've got a gun
Facts of life speeches
4. "It's like shaking a bottle of lemonade very hard, and then letting it
gush up it into a rubber glove."
3. "Observe as I hammer this pound of sausages into the turkey's neck-hole..."
2. "So, basically, I do exactly the same thing as that, except I do it
between your mother's legs. Get me a tissue, would you, son?"
1. Fetch me the dog."
Rock band names:
*slayer 9I... think this ones already been taken
*top 10 sayings by arresting officers
1. The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog
2. Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.
3. Life's tough but it's tougher if you're stupid.
4. No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
5. Just how big were those two beers?
6. The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.
7. If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.
8. So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, eh?
9. Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?
10. In God we trust, all others are suspects.
This one almost made our top ten: Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.
THINGS MEN SHOULD NOT SAY ON A FIRST DATE...
1"So, anyway, now the police say I'm not even allowed to keep the guns..."
2Hang on... Ooh! I've got a pubic hair caught under my foreskin."
3"You should see my bedroom - it's full of geese!"
HOW TO TELL A CHILD THAT THEIR PET DOG IS DEAD
1. "The dog's turned invisible."
. "You see, Rover was like a sort of chicken kiev, and since daddy ran over him in the car and he burst. there's now more of him on the outside..."
"The dog unexpectedly pupated and turned into a big moth and flew away. How cool is that?"
3. "He's still the same dog, darling, only now we don't have to walk or feed him anymore, and he's going to live in the garden. In a hole. Which I shall fill in."
Top Signs You Applied to the Wrong College
By Ben Uke
1.Degrees from the college include the phrase "For novelty purposes only"
2. Even your professors are encouraging you to transfer someplace else
3. Biology professor refers to mitosis as the digits on his feet
4. Math classes involve memorizing football joursey numbers
5. Everyone refers to the school colors, red and gray, as "blood on cement"
Top six Problems with living at Hogwarts
By Ben Uke
1. high chance of getting squished between moving stairs
2. the giant killer snake under the school
3. annual attack form the dark lord
4. man-eating text books
5. high chance of death during gym class
6. Every year the Defense from Dark Arts teacher dies/goes evil/is a werewolf
worst ideas for Disney rides:
1. lawyers of the caribean
2. it's a small hearse after all
3. trying to get out f the parking lot (wee!)
4. Pooh's fudge slide
5. Space Brokeback Mountain
Things to do on public transportation:
1. Run up and down the aisle screaming "The wings have fallen off! The wings..."
2. Complain about the loud ringing in your head and the government
3.Offer to pay the fare with "two comely virgins true".
4. Drape your large intestines all over the person in front of you.
5. start a race war
Seven Signs Your Are Spiralling Into A Star Wars Induced Psychosis
1. You notice an increased disturbance in your Force.
2. Fined for inappropriately drawing your light-sabre in public.
3. You find everyone else's lack of faith...disturbing.
4. Run from stadium screaming "That's not a basketball. It's a space station!"
5. You strap 2 cinnamon buns to your head and say "Help me Obi-Wan!"
6. Join Scientology and claim to now be a fully fledged Jedi.
7. You bend your cat's head into the shape of the Millenium Falcon.
top 8 Taliban Olympic events
2. Women's Don't-Show-Your-Figure Skating
3. Mixed Pairs Minefield Dancing (Men only)
4. The Four-Man Bomb Sled
5. infidel toss
6. Goat Vaulting
7. Burka basketball
8. Outrun the Missile
ways to tell your in trouble
1. The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out
2. People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary
3. Your suggestion box starts ticking
4. You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment
5. Your mom uses your full first and middle names
6. Special Forces just cut the power
superhero names for Micheal Jackson
1. Grasper, The Way Too Friendly Ghost.
2. plastic Fantastic.
3. Moon Walker.
Ways to end an argument
1. I have spoken
2. provie it
3. Yeah? Well you were an accident
5. Just say, "My large intestine." They'll give you a weird glance and walk away.
top 5 signs something is wrong with your lunch
1. it moving
2. it defends itself
3. You have to chew your milk
4. There's a food fight going on. On your plate.
5. That colour didn't exist before today
5 signs your in a redneck church
1. The priest ends his sermon with: "Y'all come back now, ya hear"
2. Shot-guns propped up in the corner
3. The preacher is wearing overalls and no shirt.
4. They preach about how Jesus turned water into Budweiser
5. Instead of "Amen" they say "Get 'er done!"
songs on the Grim reapers Ipod
1. another one bites the dust
2. Highway to hell- ACDC
3. stairway to heaven-led zeppelin
4. (Don't Fear) The Reaper by Blue Öyster Cult
5. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life - Monty Python
6. Bad to the Bone
signs Ronald Mcdonald is out to get you
1. messages written in red and white face paint on your window
2. Chicken McNugget drive-by on your house every hour on the hour
3. kids meal toys broken under window
4. The Hamburgler and Grimach just knocked down your door
5. Death threat scrawled on hamburger wrapper
least known political parties
1. the birthday party
2. dyslecics for Ameriac
3. The surrealist party--more giraffes for every bathtub!
4. the party part
5. the boston tea party
top 5 ways to break up with your girlfriend
1."No, seriously, I thought you were a man the whole time we were dating."
2. sell her to pirates
3. It's not you, but it's not me either.
4. Roses are red, Violets are blue. Trash is dumped and so are you.
5. Give her a puppy so she'll finally have somebody who cares.
Top 5 Worst Super Heroes
1. fluffy bunny man
2. Capt. Down syndrom
3. bi-polar bear
4. captain obvious
5. Large Intestine Man
ways to irritate your school teacher
1. Goto class with no pants, say you forgot something, leave. Come back with a hat
2. Bring candy smokes; offer to everyone
3. Every time the PA comes on, shout "No! Not the voices! Not again!"
4. Raise a litter of kittens in your desk
5. if hes male call him miss and if female call her mister
6. Make everyone you meet call you admiral, and if they don't scream at them
cannibal grocery list:
*leg of lem
*Fava beans and a nice Chianti
ways to avoid a draft
1.Wear a turban and ask if you'll get to guard anything important
2."My aren't you just the big strong Sergeant"
3.Tell them you've wanted to be in the Navy since the Village People's song
4."When do I get a gun?"
5."Do you supply the gerbils or should I bring my own?"
Recent Game Medals
Total Medals Earned: 392 (From 100 different games.)